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I know some of you have heard of the brouhaha over The Queen not being invited to the recently concluded D-Day Commemoration. I kinda thought Sarkozy was an asshole for not inviting her. I mean, WTF. She's the only living leader/head of state that has served during the war, and Britain and the Commonwealth nations (like Canada) made up the most of the soldiers that landed on that beach. But apparently Sarko wants it to be a "Sarko and Obama show."

So when this bit of news got posted over at [livejournal.com profile] lolsogeographic by [livejournal.com profile] fabledquill , I laughed my ass off. And thanks to comments by [livejournal.com profile] berseker and co. I managed to produce this phone conversation:

England *slightly drunk*: I hate you so much right now.

America: Huh? What did I do? Look, if you're talking about that teacup I accidentally dropped last time I visited --

England: I'm not talking about that sodding teacup, you prat. *deep breath* France didn't invite the Queen for the D-Day commemoration. And it is ALL. YOUR. FAULT.

America: Wait, WHAT? How is that MY fault?

England: Apparently France's libidinous dwarf of a boss wants the whole commemoration to be some sort of "make-out" session between your boss and him. *snorts* Never mind that my Commonwealth and I had the largest number of troops there and my Queen is the only one among the old tossers who actually served in the damn war.

*there's a shattering of glass in the background*

BAH! Ungrateful frogs. Bugger them. See if I help them out again the next time they're invaded.

*mutters curses, sounding suspiciously to America like "I'm going to curse that Sarko wanker with impotency so fucking severe not even a fucking barrel full of Viagra would work for him."*

America: Uh, um. Ew. I didn't need the mental image of France's boss French kissing my boss, England.

England: Is that all you're going to say, you arse? Why did I even bother calling you with this anyway? You're just an ungrateful tosser like France, after all --

America: Hey, now wait a minute --

England *may or may not be sniffling*: -- stupid to think you'd understand -- stupid America --

America: H-hey wait--

England: *slams the phone down*

America: *stares at the earpiece* Oh fuck. I'm so gonna kill France for this.

/hides forever

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July 2012

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